Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Speaking of creepy and oddly-scented men...

I went out to dinner with my friend LK last night at our favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant. About halfway through our meal, a man who I can only describe as "oafish" and "slovenly" (fun words, but I'm glad I don't often have occasion to use them) came in and was seated at the table next to ours. He looked around at the orange walls and sombrero lampshades and said to the waitress, "So this is an Irish restaurant, right?" The waitress looked a little baffled, clearly not one for sarcasm in foreign languages. "Ha ha, I'm just kidding," (yes, he actually said "Ha ha"), "you must get that all the time." No, I thought, I bet she doesn't.

He continued to make inane jokes to the waitress, who was either extremely patient or didn't understand his English, and LK and I continued to ignore him. So I barely noticed when he got up and left the table just before his food arrived. On his way back between our two tables to his seat (and it's worth pointing out that there was an empty table on the other side of him), his sizeable backside hit LK's half-full water glass, spilling it all over her lap, her coat, and her purse.

That he did this, I can forgive. (I have many attributes, but grace isn't one of them.) That he didn't notice he'd done this, I can forgive. (I have, in my time, had a larger-than-I-wished bum myself and sometimes you just don't feel it.) What I can't forgive, is when he sat down and looked over at us, realized what had happened, and said only the most obligitory, barely audible "Sorry," before digging into his food. No move to help, no "I can't believe I just did that," no offer of his still-unused napkin. Not even another glance in our direction. While the waitress scurried to get more napkins and LK blotted everything in sight, Oafish and Slovenly shoveled food into his mouth at an alarming rate. It's not like there was much he could do, but couldn't he have at least acknowledged that his fat ass had made a mess? This isn't normal, right?

My only real regret is that there was no way for me to "accidentally" spill anything on his table on my way out.

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