Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Livin' Large

I worked an event yesterday for which I had to wear a tuxedo. There was a mix-up at the rental place, and I didn't have time to wait around for my fitting while they figured it out, so I told them to just use my measurements from when I worked the same event last year. Five minutes after I left, I panicked about how I've hardly been going to the gym at all, and I've been basically living on bagels and trail mix (trail not included) for the last month or so.

But when the moment of truth came, the tux not only fit, but was a little big. Yay!

Last week I was browsing the sale section of the Gap, and they had this really cute green terrycloth polo shirt. Well aware that not everyone can pull off green terrycloth, I tried it on. To my great surprise, the extra large was tent-like, the large was a perfect fit, and I actually looked good in it. And did I mention it was on sale?

This is the good news.

The bad news is I'm going to a party tonight thrown by a moderately famous friend of mine. Not only is he moderately famous, he is a moderately famous homosexual. This means there will be other moderately famous homosexuals there, all plucked and waxed and trained and tanned and whitened and styled and exfoliated to within an inch of their lives, and I will wind up standing in a corner feeling (though no one's deliberate fault but my own) awkward, overweight, hairy, and badly-dressed. I will probably spill a drink on someone. If I'm lucky, just myself.

Maybe I'll wear my green shirt, the tuxedo pants, and a bag over my head.

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