Thursday, June 10, 2004

"That was a ridiculous performance!" -Vitamin C, to JoJo

Okay, this Superstar thing is getting out of control. You'd think it would stop being entertaining. I mean, there comes a point where bad singing is just bad singing. The cat hides under the couch when I watch. But no, the schadenfreude continues.

I guess it takes a certain type of person to reach the final stage of a show like this. A certain type of stupid, delusional person. I mean, one of them consistently refers to himself in the third person. Another barely speaks English. I shouldn't be surprised.

But I am. How can they not realize how inappropriate these songs are? I don't know whether to feel better or worse for these kids that they don't get to pick their own songs. Better that they're not dumb enough to choose these for themselves. Worse that it's all calculated for maximum humiliation. But how can the boys not realize that songs by Jessica Simpson and Beyonce (in the original keys, natch) are as wrong as wrong can be? How can the blonde girl not see that the gyrating dance moves given to her by the choreographer are totally inappropriate for "All By Myself?"

And about that dancing...okay, you've never heard yourself sing outside of your own head, so you don't know how bad you are. You're cute in your own off-beat way. But you've never danced before. And you go into a room with a choreographer, four professional dancers, and mirrors. How can you possibly walk out thinking you can dance?? It just baffles me. And, given my general disdain for the stupid, it really takes away any chance I have of feeling too much sympathy for these guys.

I really can't decide which one I want to win. They're all so fascinating, and so different (A+ to these guys in casting). My favorite one to watch is Rosa, who, despite being given the lyrics on a sheet of paper (we saw her studying it), managed to think the lyrics to "Genie in a Bottle" are, "I've been feeling pretty uptight in a cent-er-y of loneliness, waiting for someone to believe me…If you wanna be with me, there's a price that you can pay, I'm a genie in a bottle, gotta make it go the way…come on and set me free, baby, gonna let me do-oo-oo… I'm a genie in a bottle, gonna make me co-ome true." (This prompted judge Vitamin C to give one of her patented perfect non-lying judgments: "That was a mind-boggling performance. You are remarkably consistent.") But I think she's too stupid to really get it when the twist is revealed. And Mario is too sweet and dorky to really wish ill on. Jamie and JoJo seem to be the most hubristic, and therefore the most worthy of our scorn. With JoJo now eliminated, Jamie seems the most likely "winner." I hope she cries a lot.

This is like the best show ever.

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