Thursday, December 23, 2004

Mucous of the Night

Okay, I'm short on time but two quick things about the Phantom of the Opera movie. First of all, if you're not casting name movie stars anyway, why not cast people who can act and sing? Some of the acting is pretty good, and so is some of the singing -- and in one (and only one) shocking case both are good in a single performer -- but shouldn't Christine be more expressive than the Phantom's creepy mannequin of her and not the other way around? I mean, if they'd cast Antonio Banderas as the Phantom (which was discussed) and Madonna as Christine (which, god willing, was not, though now that I think about it she'd make a fabulously meta Carlotta), I wouldn't complain because, hey, that's Hollywood and you have to sell tickets. But why cast a Phantom who no one's ever heard of who also can't sing and waves his arms around like a high school Romeo?

And speaking of the Phantom, here's thing number two: When his mask is removed on stage, his face is really fucked up. Like, you can see parts of his skull. Even with the mask on it's clear that one side of his mouth is all weird and the idea of Christine having to kiss him is revolting. This is especially impressive when you consider that the makeup has to be applied and removed eight times a week, he has to sing through it, and the design is over 15 years old. On film, with all the money, CGI, and lip-syncing at their disposal, the Phantom's disfigurement is... not so terrible. In fact, it's barely noticeable. Get yourself some moisturizer and a new hair product and get over your issues, dude!

There was actually a great deal about the movie that I liked, and I don't even really like the show. I just think I might have liked it better with Antonio Banderas and Madonna.

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