Saturday, March 05, 2005

Assorted Rants (4 Flavor Variety Pack!)

Just a little hodgepodge of quick things that have been on my mind lately...

First of all, you all realize that being a bitch isn't actually a criminal offense, right? I keep reading that Martha Stewart "got what she deserved" or, better yet, "she got off easy." But none of this has anything to do with the crime of which she was accused, it's just that people don't like her. I mean, if I could convict people for that, our prison system would collapse. Get over it, folks. And remember she wouldn't be successful if there weren't clearly a huge market for her product and image. And the more you talk about her, the more you help her fame. (Personally, I'm fairly indifferent to Martha, since she's never been mean to me personally, and I'm not into doilies.)

On an entirely different topic... there was yet another article in Entertainment Weekly asking how Fox could be so short-sighted as to even think of canceling Arrested Development (they're not canceling it yet, but they've cut back on the number of episodes this season, which is never a good sign). Now, I appreciate Arrested Development (though I'm not "into it" and don't watch it regularly), and I'm the first to condemn a network, and particularly Fox, for canceling good shows before giving them a proper chance to find an audience through word of mouth and good reviews. I'll rant for days about Wonderfalls and Andy Richter Controls the Universe. But you can't really say that Fox hasn't given AD a chance, can you? It's in its second year, in a prime timeslot, won an Emmy, and has been written about endlessly. And not enough people are watching it. And when not enough people watch TV shows, they get canceled. Bummer. Now, the EW article did suggest that a cable net pick up the show, and that seems like a lovely idea, since "not enough" broadcast viewers can translate into a very nice number for cable. I'm just saying, we have no one to blame here but ourselves, the viewing audience.

Why do Atkins Advantage Bars taste like crap? I think PowerBars and all their kin taste like crap, but there's this weird, totally unidentifiable taste to the Advantage Bars, no matter what flavor they are. I like a lot of their products, particularly the sauces, which I often use even when I'm not dieting because there's such an absurd amount of added sugar in most condiments, but anything starchy – the breakfast bars, the cereal - all has this same weird flavor to it that sticks in my throat. Don't ask me how a flavor can stick in my throat, but it can. What the hell do they put in there? Also strange, their pre-packaged bread is pretty good, but I tried to make some from a mix and it was like a sponge. I don't understand why there would be such a difference. I actually prefer to diet without all the fake-sugar products, since a big part of it for me is about killing cravings and bad habits, and eating mocklate (surprisingly good) doesn't help me want chocolate any less. But after two weeks breakfast has become a tedious problem, and if I look at another egg I might kill myself, so I'm exploring my options. Also, I've been somewhat inexplicably craving ketchup.

Finally, I know I'm a little late with this, but it happened during my blog's fallow period, so can I talk about the hockey strike for a minute? What's the deal? I'm sure it's disappointing, but why did the press act like someone had opened fire in a preschool? This is not a tragedy, people. Of course, I loathe professional sports, but if they cancelled a season of television (a fair comparison, I think) I'd take it as a sign that I should get out of the house more. Or finally watch Popular and Freaks and Geeks on DVD and catch up on my Netflix.

I don't know the specifics of the hockey situation, but I believe that anyone who can afford to take a year off work without changing his lifestyle one iota really doesn't need a labor union. I say that as a member of an artists' union, which, while I'm grateful to have it, feels incredibly silly most of the time. And what about the people who are really affected? All the stadium workers – concessions people, Zamboni operators, ticket-takers – whose incomes will actually suffer? Not a word. No, but the fans feel betrayed. Like it's the first time they've realized that professional athletes are overpaid and spoiled.

Okay, that'll do it for today. Sigh. When will the world start revolving around me like it's supposed to?

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