Thursday, March 31, 2005

Luke, It Is Your Density (or, What's the Matter Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?)

No diet in the world could keep me away from these, even without the wonderfully silly "trailer" (I especially like M&M Chewbacca).

Note that both a good Star Wars parody and dark chocolate can trump all fears of talking food.

Speaking of which, has anyone seen the latest round of Perdue commercials? In one of them, Jim Perdue (you're no Frank, my friend) is on some sort of call-in show, and he takes calls from...chickens. The chickens cluck, of course, and Jim can understand them, answering their questions with statements such as, "Yes, it's true, we never give our chickens hormones or steroids!" So it would seem that the chickens are calling to ask about the quality of life and/or the quality of product of Perdue chicken. And that's just WRONG. Because either the callers want to come live with Jim and eventually be killed and eaten, or they're out buying Fit 'N' Easy Skinless Breats themselves. To the commercial's credit, the host of this bizarre radio show appears shocked and confused as well.

In another spot in the series, Jim walks through a gym where chicken puppets (Gonzo's harem on The Muppet Show looked more realistic) lift weights. What the hell is this, a chicken prison yard? Jim would have us believe they're enjoying it, working out to become fit and trim -- so we can eat them! I don't know, to me that bench-pressing chicken looks terrified, and seems to be lifting more weight than she can handle.

Is it supposed to be cute? Is it supposed to convince vegetarians that meat isn't murder, but the natural achievement of every ambitious chickens life goals? Personally, I'm a big fan of the Food Chain, but I don't think chickens really give it very much thought! All I know is it creeps me out immeasurably. It's not the chickens so much as it is Jim. Something is wrong with that man. If he were obsessed with chicken dishes that would make sense, given his line of work, but he seems to have an awfully unhealthy attachment to live fowl, which is especially disturbing when you consider that he sits at the head of a company whose purpose is to kill and dismember them. I think maybe he shouldn't be allowed near food slated for mass distribution.

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes: Mmmmmmm...dark chocolate....

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