Tuesday, May 31, 2005

TV Burning Questions

I was going to blog about my weekend (which was lovely), but so much of it was spent catching up on TV and the various season finales that my head is just full of questions....

Why do bad guys spend so much time in bars and clubs? I mean, seriously, if you were an evil mastermind, or even the henchperson of an evil mastermind, and you were working a machine that could destroy the world and had another evil mastermind/superspy in custody, would you really take time out to go get a drink and have a threesome with strangers? I mean, really, people, make it a little challenging to seduce you and give you swirlies until you talk!

And when will people on television learn that there are certain conversations you just should not have while driving? I mean, maybe it's just me and the fact that I am a generally terrible and rather nervous driver (I don't do it very often), but even if I'm talking to a passenger, I don't really look at them, because I prefer to, you know, watch the road. So any conversation that's likely to involve long, soulful looks, dropped cell phones or dropped ice cream really should also involve pulling over. Kirsten Cohen and Michael Vaughn (or whatever) take note! And Vaughn's a superspy for god's sake! Shouldn't he be better at looking around for possible hazards??

Dude, don't punctuate your tirade about the danger of leaky dynamite by gesturing with a stick of leaky dynamite! And would a stick of dynamite held in an outstretched hand really make you explode? Oh, it would kill you for sure, but chunks? I think that only happens if you swallow the dynamite.

If you're a long-shot presidential candidate, is it really a good idea to put an alcoholic, pill-addict, and recent massive heart attack victim on the ticket as VP?

Does Brenda Strong have some sort of exclusive contract for playing dead mothers who appear in voiceover?

Do you go to couples therapy when your girlfriend kills your brother who tried to rape her and is about to bash your head in with a telephone?

Is the junior prom a big deal anywhere but on TV? And do they not have SATs and college applications in Orange County?

If your heart attack makes you fall in the pool and drown, what is considered to have killed you?

Why would NBC schedule a spin-off of a franchise that's on 20 times a day on cable on Friday night and then wonder why nobody watched it? And if they wanted people to watch it, why wouldn't they advertise?

And why isn't American Dad funnier?

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