Thursday, March 30, 2006

Continuing Adventures in (Bad) Customer Service

I am so pissed off right now. On Monday night, I ordered something from Amazon, and it's not really urgent but I wanted to have it this week so I can use it for work on Monday. So I did something I never do if I can help it and I paid for shipping. Specifically, "Two-Day Shipping." Amazon's checkout page is pretty well-designed and nicely interactive, and when I clicked the shipping button the bottom of the screen updated and said, "Guaranteed delivery date -- get it Thursday, March 30! -- if you complete your order in the next 4 hours and 12 minutes" (or whatever the time was).

So it hasn't come yet and it's not really a big deal, but I went online and now Amazon says it's coming tomorrow, and there seems to be a problem with the UPS tracking. So, just out of curiosity, really (the righteous indignation came later), I called them. (Or rather, they called me -- they have this creepy new thing where you type in your phone number and the phone rings immediately and connects you to the customer service system. The woman on the phone kept trying to tell me they don't guarantee delivery dates, only shipment dates. Trying to be the nice customer, I figured I had, in fact, read it wrong, but I was curious so I started a fake order. And there it was again. So I said, "Actually, if you select one- or two-day shipping, you do guarantee delivery dates," and we actually got into an ARGUMENT about it. I told her what steps I was taking on my computer and read her exactly what it said on my screen, and she continued to insist that they don't guarantee delivery dates. Lady, I'm LOOKING AT THE WORDS ON YOUR WEBSITE. She tried to deflect by saying that if I placed the order Monday night it would have shipped on Tuesday, and I was like, "Riiiight, and today is Thursday, which would be the second day after the day it shipped. Hence 'two-day shipping.'" Brilliantly, she couldn't actually get on to Amazon herself because they were doing "system maintenance" or some shit, so she couldn't even place a fake order like I was doing to prove that I was right. But like, a) know how your own product works if you're in customer service, and b) trust me when I tell you I'm READING TO YOU OFF YOUR OWN WEBSITE. "We don't guarantee delivery dates." Then why am I looking at the words "guaranteed delivery date" on my fucking screen right now???

So now I'm waiting to call back in the hopes the maintenance will be over and I can get someone on the phone who's not a complete moron. And in the meantime, I clicked on the link that says "details" next to the delivery date, and it says, "If you choose One Day or Two Day Shipping as your shipping speed and your order contains items eligible for guaranteed accelerated delivery, we guarantee that your items will arrive on or before the delivery dates shown at checkout. This means we will refund shipping fees associated with your items if they are not delivered to their destination on or before those dates." So bite me, bad customer service lady, and give me my ten bucks back.

Victory is mine! My shipping charges have been refunded. The new customer service lady still tried to give me the runaround, and said that she'll have to call tech support because the site's not supposed to guarantee delivery dates for anything other than one-day shipping. And I'd almost buy that if it didn't say all that stuff about it where they explain the shipping policies. She at least was willing to take my word for it, and get on Amazon to do a mock order herself. I tried to register a complaint about the first person I talked to, and she sort of shut down, and was rude and abrupt even after I thanked her profusely for her help and for being so friendly. Bitch. Whatever, her job sucks and I won.

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