Thursday, March 02, 2006

Dunkelmaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!

I hate that I'm watching American Idol again. It's all the Olympics's fault. We flipped it on one night last week when there was just nothing else on. Damn you, curling!!

Right now I'm just doing one of the 17 weekly airings, since I have no interest in the girls, and I can find out who won online without having to suffer through the results show clip-fest.

I tend to only half-watch the show, and Boy, who's never shown much interest before, is better at picking up on weird ironies and unintentional funnies. Sure, we all thought it was, um, queer, when Ryan started to undress the kid who looks like exactly Peter Brady, but it was Boy who picked up on Ryan calling the other 16-year-old "chicken." And he rewound the DVR and made me come into the room to see why you should never sing "Last Dance" on the show, just in case you get voted off. Forcing the loser to sing on the way out is humiliating enough, but it's so much worse when the cut in your song beings with "And when I'm bad I'm oh so bad."

It's true that the talent has improved over the seasons. Even the worst male semi-finalist this year is better that pretty much all of the boys from Season 1. Still, it's pretty sad. Nothing can save even the best singers from coming across like bad Karaoke. It's just the nature of the format. And I just feel bad for the ugly 16-year-old who's not very good, and the freaky 29-year-old (or is it 49?) who's not much better. Maybe there's something happening live that we're not seeing, and I know all about people having unrepresentative good and bad auditions, but surely they could have found better people than this for the finals?? Then there's "the crooner". Yes, he's cute, yes he can even sing. But aren't you looking for a pop star? This kid needs 20 years to grow into his voice and even then we're not talking mass appeal.

That said, I actually find many of the boys inexplicably likeable. Like seemingly every other gay blogger, I'm all about Ace. I like that he can actually sing, and that he's going for pop star, not "rocker." Not like the world needs another Nick Lachey (oh wait, I said he can actually sing), but it's nice to see AI veering away from high school musical kids and oddly-facial-haired "rockers" and "country...ers." Though I do really like rocker Chris, clearly one of the most talented guys this season, even if it's not my style. On the other hand, even if I liked country music, I can't take anyone named Bucky Covington even a little bit seriously. I'm actually quite fond of Will, the aforementioned Peter Brady lookalike. I'm looking forward to watching him grow into full on gaydom. In the meantime, though, who told a 17-year-old that it was a good idea to sing "Lady?" Creepy, kid. Cree-pee.

And speaking of creepy... everyone else. Seriously, where did they find these guys? Karaoke bars, I guess. I know it's not a beauty contest, but I do want my pop stars to have a smidgen of charisma, or at least not be completely fuck weird.

And the girls? Eh, whatever. I can live with myself a little better if I only watch once a week. I'll wait until they've whittled out the especially bad ones.

One more thing -- what's happened to Ryan? He's always been smarmy and annoying, but I feel like he used to be a little bit cute. His mouth seems to have gotten wider, threatening to take over his entire face. And he's all scruffy. Don't they have stylists over there anymore? It's like he's getting shorter, turning into some sort of little gay troll.

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