Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Dear Fat Guy on the Train This Morning,

I know those silly contoured seats on the subway aren't fair to any real person's ass. And yes, there was an empty seat on either side of me. But that does NOT give you the right to sit on me. Seriously, dude, no "excuse me" or anything? Just BAM, that's my fucking thigh, thank you very much, but apparently you're too absorbed in The Da Vinci Code to notice. So what happens then? I move over, of course, but the woman on my right has an overflowing ass as well, so I end up sitting in-between the seat I was in before your kamikaze attack and the one next to it. Okay, none of us is as thin as we might like to be, but compared to the two of you I'm Nicole fucking Ritchie, so how did I end up being the guy who's taking up two seats with the ridge between them wedged firmly up my butt crack??

Oh, it's going to be another one of those days....

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