Monday, September 11, 2006

"It isn't a train wreck – it moves too slowly." –IMDB review

Months ago, a friend of mine gave me a VHS copy of the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special (I don't ask where she gets such things), and it took me until now to muster up the courage to watch it.

The most offensive thing about it is not that it's almost entirely in wookie – essentially a very lengthy, fuzzy, pantomime. It's not the painfully dull sequences having nothing to do with the "plot," of wookies watching TV. It's not that each of those sequences features Harvey Korman, including one where he's a 6-armed Julia Child. It's not the recycled footage every time they need a shot of a space ship or Darth Vader. It's not the way the film's cast members were forced to whore themselves out with dialogue worse than in Episode I. It's not the tasty treat called "wookie-ookies." It's not the virtual reality musical/sexual fantasy Chewbacca's dad has about Diahnn Carroll. It's not that Bea Arthur plays the bartender and sings a Kander-and-Ebb-style number to the tune of the Cantina song. It's not that Bob Mackie did the costumes. It's not that I expect better from Bruce Villanch. It's not even Carrie Fisher's singing.

It's that Chewbacca's father and son are named Itchy and Lumpy.

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