Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Lemme Axe You Something

I'm not a big fan of perfume. This includes other things with perfume in them. I'm not allergic or anything, and unless you've bathed in it I don't mind it on other people, but I generally use unscented soap and unscented laundry detergent, and that still leaves me smelling like shampoo, hair goop, baby powder and deodorant, all of which are pretty mild.

Or used to be. I've been using Degree deodorant for as long as I can remember. I rotate through a few scents, based purely on what's in stock when I'm shopping, and they're all pretty gentle. There's "Sheer Powder," which smells like baby powder, which I have on anyway. And "Fresh Oxygen," which smells like... oxygen? I have no idea. Anyway, they smell just enough to keep me from being stinky. And now they seem to have been discontinued, unless you're a woman. I accidentally bought the women's version of one of them once, and it was actually different - a stronger, more flowery scent. Plus I don't know if there's anything to that whole "PH balanced for a woman" thing Secret has going on, but I'd rather stick to the products made for me.

Trouble is, all the products made for me have names like "Extreme Blast," "Cool Rush," and "Sport Scent" (what is sport supposed to smell like?). I literally spent ten minutes in the drug store the other day sniffing deodorant and found only one (Arm and Hammer Powder Fresh) that didn't make me want to vomit. But now that I'm actually wearing it I feel like I'm inhaling flowery baking soda.

Listen up, deodorant manufacturers: If I wanted the Axe Effect, I'd fucking buy Axe. I want to sweat less and be unstinky, not make people's eyes water when I walk by, or overpower the smell of my meal. Is this unusual? Am I really the only man who feels this way? Based on the deodorant aisle of the drug store, I'd have to say yes. The world is a very stinky place.