Monday, March 31, 2008

The power of editing

This commercial actually kinda makes me want to watch Episodes 1-3 again this weekend. They make Natalie Portman talking to the Senate in a strangely-accented monotone look exciting!


Of course, this begins opposite the return of Battlestar Galactica, and my priorities are clear!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

I have no words

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

McWealthy

Also, why is Patrick Dempsey the voice of at least three different companies' ad campaigns? Like he needs more money?

Dear American Idol Studio Audience,

Stop with the waving your arms from side to side over your head whenever someone sings anything remotely ballady! Seriously, who the fuck does that? Especially if you can't manage to all move in the same direction and at the same tempo.

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Muffin Man

During my many recent months of under-employment, I developed a habit which is quite dangerous to my health: Baking. Really, in light of my last post, couldn't I be addicted to exercising? I've always enjoyed working in the kitchen, but all those days sitting at home and watching Martha and needing projects to fill my time stepped it up a notch. The gadget at the top of my wish list right now isn't an iPod Touch (though it's on there too), it's a KitchenAid stand mixer.

It's the perfect hobby for me – just time-consuming enough, not very expensive, and able to buy the affection of others. I thought about putting it on my resume: "If you hire me, I will bring treats to work often."

One week I spontaneously decided to make cookies, but was repeatedly thwarted by my missing just one ingredient, and being too stupid to do a full inventory before going to the store. This inspired me to turn my kitchen cabinet, after several visits to church The Container Store, from this...

100_0885.JPG

...to this...

100_0889.JPG.

I am now prepared to bake on a moment's notice. After I obsessively tracked its price on Amazon (which changed oddly frequently), my KitchenAid is on its way. It's black and chrome, so it will match my future iPod Touch. But maybe I should leave it in the box and mix everything by hand to try to get in some cardio.

You know it's time to get back on your diet when...

...you get a new office chair and you're within 10 pounds of its rated weight limit.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Happy Easter

This has been on Cute Overload and I Can Has Cheezburger already, so you've probably seen it already, but just in case...

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Tori Spelling needs the work

While watching TV this morning I got this brilliant idea: Lifetime, home of trashy yet fun "Lifetime Originals" movies for women, and the Sci Fi Channel, home of trashy yet fun "Sci Fi Originals" movies for nerds, should totally team up and make a "Sci Fi Lifetime Original."

Boy suggested Not Without My Clone Baby, but I'm partial to Mother May I Sleep With Frankenfish.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Hookers

Look, we get it: Governor Spitzer fucked some whores, got caught, and is resigning. When I'm stuck on a plane for six hours with only Martha Stewart, her lovely guest Patricia Clarkson, and the absolutely amazing-looking chocolate-mint sandwich cookies they're making for company, is it really necessary for you to break in for yet another press conference from yet another person with nothing to say except, "Gee, that sucks, but it's not like we're going to close the state or anything?"

Also on the TV on the plane (god bless JetBlue!) - The Faculty. Why is this movie not more of a classic? Kevin Williamson script, brilliant performances from Bebe Neuwirth, Piper Laurie and Robert Patrick, really-good-for-teenagers-running-from-aliens work by Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett and Clea Duvall. Oh yeah, and Jon Stewart:

(Skip to about 2:00 for Stewart. Though at 1:20 you get the brilliant, "Fuck you, Titbags!" Joey Potter never said that!)

What would you do if I sang out of tune?

I had to pick this week to really start watching American Idol?

Whether it was the rights-holders or Fox who were reluctant, after last night I totally understand why it took them so long to do "Lennon/McCartney Night" on Idol. A lot of people have this totally irrational attachment to The Beatles, and consider them and their body of work to be infallible. I'm one of those people, even though I wasn't born until six years after their last album of original material came out. I'm not the type of purist who considers covers of those songs sacrilege, though. Songs so deeply embedded in the cultural canon should be covered. The thing is, though, they have to be covered well. The Across the Universe soundtrack is brilliant, despite its failings as a film (the gospel version of "Let It Be" makes me cry, though during the movie I had no idea what was going on). There's Siouxsie and the Banshees' "Dear Prudence," Little Junior Parker's "Tomorrow Never Knows," anything by Joe Cocker, some of the Beatles' own later solo covers of themselves, etc.

With a couple of exceptions (most notably "Come Together," which was pretty much the arrangement from Across the Universe), the performances that were "good" last night were just boring. Which I guess is better than being bad (I'm talking to you, David "I'm 12 and cute so who cares if I learn the words" Archuletta). One thing I'll never understand about Idol is the way the judges like to blame the singer for the arrangement. Like they're all orchestrators now. Sure, I guess they pick them, but are we really meant to believe there isn't an army of producers and musical directors pulling the strings? And where do these arrangements, like the country "8 Days A Week" (which I actually thought was a pretty cool idea, if not entirely successful), come from anyway?

But I digress. If you're going to do a song that's so well-known and well-loved, you'd damn well better "put your own spin on it," as Paula would say, or do it spectacularly. Based on those criteria, I'm currently rooting for David Cook and Amanda Overmyer, who, in spite of their ridiculous hair and seeming one-trick-pony-ness, were pretty damn good last night and in the couple of YouTube clips I've watched. I also liked the girl who did "Come Together," but she seems like she might lose her voice in a couple of weeks.

On a totally non-Beatles-related note, how nice is it that the gay stripper is still on the show (even if he's terrible), and at least two more of the final 24 were gay-hay-hay, when only 6 years ago, Fox made Jim Verarros take down his Livejournal because (shocking!) it talked about boys? Sure, Ryan and Simon's weird homophobic banter is still baffling and a little gross, but that says more about them than about America and the viewing public, which has clearly come at least a short way!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

When I'm 64

Boy came home last night a few minutes after I'd gotten into bed, and we had the following conversation.

Boy: You smell good.
Me: It's Tiger Balm and Gold Bond. I smell like an old person.
Boy: I like it. You're my old person.

Now normally I steer clear of the nauseatingly cute on this blog, but it seemed like a good moment to point out how awesome and adorable my boyfriend is.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Then and Now

2004:
radish-ibook1

2008:
0201081810

I don't think the cat has hung out behind my computer since that first pic was taken, but when I saw him doing it again I knew I had to do a comparison shot. I like how the laptop has gotten bigger too.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Happy Days

Today is National Grammar Day.

It is also the day I start my new job, and really, my new career. That seems auspicious, doesn't it?

Monday, March 03, 2008

Wide collars and puppies

I'm ripping my DVDs of season two of The Muppet Show to my iPod, and I was struck by how 70s-tastic the entire first disc's guest stars are: Don Knotts, Zero Mostel, Milton Berle, Rich Little, Judy Collins and Nancy Walker. It's sort of hard to fathom a kids' show today being hosted by the likes of Nancy Walker (I bet George Clooney would've been great though). Most of the hosts from later in the season have stood the test of time a little better, at least for my generation: Steve Martin, Madeline Kahn, George Burns, Bernadette Peters, Elton John, Julie Andrews, John Cleese. Not that any of them are huge, relevant modern stars (maybe Steve Martin and Elton), but they're names most people would recognize and if they're not dead they're still working.

I guess it's not super-common to re-watch things from your childhood, especially not with the level of adult enjoyment I get from The Muppet Show, so I'm constantly surprised by how many things from the show were permanently burned into my brain without my realizing it. In the Don Knotts episode alone, within 2 seconds of almost every sketch I knew exactly what was coming and thought "Oh yeah, I loved this one!"

This, however, the very first sketch of season two, I did not remember, and it might be the creepiest thing I've ever seen. (No embedding, sadly.)

Fortunately, the same episode contains one of the cutest things I've ever seen:

I especially like how he changes "babies" to "puppies."

One of these things is not like the other

Amazon.com confirms that I am weird:

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Sunday Videos

This may seem boring at first, but stick with it - the payoff is brilliant.



For West Wing fans.



If I didn't sometimes watch live TV, I'd miss out on things like this (embedding disabled, sadly). The hell?

Saturday, March 01, 2008

...goes unpunished!

So that cabbie I blogged about the other day? Yeah, he's under arrest.

Turns out the whole thing was an elaborate and stupid hoax to get rid of an unwanted baby. The driver is the father's sister's boyfriend. I don't quite understand a) why they bothered, and b) why they're in trouble, since New York has a safe haven policy whereby babies can be left at hospitals (and, I think, firehouses) with no questions asked. But I guess there's a whole fraud element here too.

Anyway, awesome. I mean, terrible, but... you know what I mean.

Dirty Bird

I generally find these DirecTV ads sort of awful and creepy, but this one makes me really really happy:



I don't know why the Aliens one makes me sad for Siguorney Weaver, but this one makes me love Kathy Bates even more. Inexplicable but true.